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    Pixels

    Reviewed by
    adamwatchesmovies@

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    Based on the 2010 short of the same name by Patrick Jean, “Pixels” has some neat visuals… and nothing else to offer. Even video game and arcade enthusiasts won't like it, as the film is more concerned with giving Adam Sandler’s posse pay checks and indulging in nostalgia than utilizing the tools at its disposal to full effect.

    As a child, Sam Brenner (Adam Sandler) became a champion of arcade games until he was defeated by his rival Eddie Plant (Peter Dinklage) in the world championship’s final round. Years later, Sam has a chance to make a name for himself when aliens misinterpret old video game footage as a declaration of war and attack our planet with arcade-inspired creations.

    Kevin James as the President of the United States. “Pixels” is a sci-fi comedy but even so, our suspension of disbelief only goes so far! The man just doesn’t fit the role. For the most part, however, everyone else who appears in the film - Adam Sandler as himself, Josh Gad as the conspiracy-theory obsessed nerd who lives in his basement, Michelle Monaghan as a weapons developer who will inevitably fall for Sandler’s character even though they hate each other upon first sight - do fine with their parts. It’s the material they’ve been handed that spells "game over".

    There are many unkind words we could use to describe “Pixels”. “Self-indulgent”, “unfunny”… but I’m going to choose is “lazy”. It’s a movie about arcade games which gets basic things about the games it’s showcasing wrong. Cheat codes for arcade games? Why would those exist when the machines were designed to eat quarters? A Smurf arcade game? I couldn’t find evidence that one ever existed. Apparently the barrels and fireballs in “Donkey Kong” move without pattern… even though they do in real life. And that’s just scratching the surface. This film operates without any semblance of logic. In one battle between mankind and the aliens, the players must operate under rules which emulate the game - Pac Man being a good example. In other scenes, like when the heroes play a jumbo-sized version of “Centipede”, our “team” is allowed hundreds of players. When we get to the final challenge (“Donkey Kong”), anyone can do whatever they want regardless of whether it’s possible in the game they’re supposedly playing.

    This is a significant disappointment from director Chris Columbus, whose career has had its ups and downs but doesn’t typically churn out this type of Happy Maddison slop. Every fifteen minutes, the film seems to be think that someone screaming is the pinnacle of hilarity. Over and over, a lame sex joke gets snuck in there and we get a speech from someone about how the good old days were awesome and how today, well things just aren’t the same. Many aspects of "Pixels" feel like they’ve been pulled from a time long gone that we'd rather forget. Most notably, the romantic sub plots, who are so awful you’re tempted to give the actresses standing ovations for playing their parts without cringing.

    If you’ve seen the 2010 “Pixels” short, there’s no reason to see this full-length film. Adam Sandler’s usual comedic antics add nothing to the cool voxel look and the visual gags in its 2-minute running time isn't improved by cameos by Serena Williams or Nick Swardson. I suppose Happy Madison fans may find some of it enjoyable but that's just a theory. (May 10, 2019)

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    adamwatchesmovies@  23.8.2015 age: 26-35 2,867 reviews

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